Rants

this weekend, while down celebrating my lovely's b-day with her family, I procured something of a rather interesting nature...

sorry to be cryptic, but I must more details will be released at some later date, I'm sorry I cannot say more

here's a hint that will be of no use

FISH

see I told you

Tony Snow, former bush press secretary, died today of colon cancer

see you in hell douchebag

first there where snakes on a plane, then the flight of the dead, the atomic train, and other such wonderful transportation related films... now in real life we have one... TICKS ON A PLANE!!!
coming to a theater near you, this November
-----
no inspector it was not the wife, but the couch who killed him!!!
 -----
NAZI HUNTING now legal in Chile

Sacramento county is considering aerial spraying of insecticides to combat the mosquito population and the possible spread of the west Nial virus...

now as most of you know, I think west Nial is by and large a distraction, I've done my research:
less than 1% of people bitten by an infected mosquito will contract the disease, and less than 1% of those who contract it will develop encephalitis...
those who contract the disease can expect flu like symptoms that last for abounot 3 weeks. the last time I checked this is not a statistically significant number to warrant the scare tactics that are being used (5% is generally considered significant)

this is a load of shit and people are going to be breathing POISONOUS CHEMICALS on top of the off the chart crappy air quality...

the state legislature needs to grow some balls and stop having chemical companies tell them what to to...

source article

North Korea seems to be cooperating with the US and dismantling it's nuclear program...

after handing over a report of it's nuclear stockpile yesterday and demolishing a cooling tower from it's plant, this comes 6 months AFTER the deadline, and fell short in answering all questions.

given the amount of saber rattling, and the general attitude Kim Jong-ill has displayed over the years, I think he's up to something

GOD fucking dammit...

the air still sucks today, I guess it's another day of wearing my portable air filter to work.

this is fucking disgusting

we need a cleansing storm, rain and lots of wind, ASAP

is it just me or are there more and more products out there designed to make people look like com pleat jackasses??

first up on my example block of DOOM is the "DanceCharge" portable kinetic energy charger for Cell phones and other mobile electronic devices... powered by dance??? WHAT THE FUCK? now I know that as soon as this piece of crap hits American markets I'm going to be seeing teeny bopper girls dancing down the street to keep their ipod charged... this is wrong on EVERY level, while I applaud them for trying to harness a green power source, dance? are they actually expecting a bunch of doctors or executives to be jumping around to get their voice mail???

next up, a portable karaoke player... do we really need people singing along to Neil diamond songs in public? shouldn't that stay in the bars where the drunks can enjoy it? this kind of device should never have been conceptualized. the person who came up with the idea should have thought at that very instant "wow this is really going to lead to the end of civilization, this is much too dangerous to let it fall into the wrong hands" followed by the sound of their frontal lobe being self ventilated with a .45

in conclusion the human race is doomed and it's our own doing

sweet zombie Jesus on a pogo stick!!

I just stepped outside to run to the mail box and it was like smoking a full pack all at once!!!

*note to self replace batteries in personal air filter*

apparently only 73% of atheists don't believe in god...

anyone care to explain that one?

edit: I think the bigger confusion stems from the 8% that identify themselves as atheists who are absolutely certain that god exists

I am one shift away from my first full week at my new job...
at an ADULT ENTERTAINMENT STORE!!!

yes dear readers, I now sell porn and sex toys for a living.

so far not too bad. pretty laid back environment, only 4 people work at this store (of which I comprise 25%) and all the people are pretty cool.

no real crazy customers YET... but a slew of prank phone calls from douchebag fucking teenagers. today's meme seemed to be kids asking what kind of "male products" we carried. I tried to get what exactly he was looking for... then promptly hung up on him.
fucker

LOTS of people asking about the fucking herbal Viagra... we sell stuff that is referred to as that but THERE IS NOT SUCH FUCKING THING!!!! not that I can say that to a customer. paying $10 for a single placebo pill of ground deer antler is not my idea of a wise purchase but a fool and his money are soon parted.

well I closed tonight and get to open tomorrow so I need to get to bed...
tomorrow is going to be GREAT!!!

OK I made it... an abandoned apartment it looks like... most of the portable necessities have been taken...

barricaded the stairs, filled the bathtub with water... got some food in the fridge, more in the cupboard (idiots) and a computer...

can't destroy the stairs (I'd like to, it'd be safer) but I got them blocked off good...

I'm gonna wait it out here I think... pretty defensible...

I pray you all made it to safety, even if you can't read this...

as long as I have power and the lines are up I'll keep posting...

managed not to get bitten (one got a hold of my bracer, but couldn't get through thank god)

I just hope help comes soon...

I can see them...

they are accumulating in the parking lot...

I put the table in front of my window but I'm not sure that's going to hold them for long once they spot me...

it's getting dark, I'm assembling my pack...

I'm gonna break for the upstairs apartments... there I can use my halberd to keep them back...

no guns... only 12 arrows... body armor.. still feel exposed...
I'm confident in hand to hand, got sword, axe, kukri and hatchet... I just wish I didn't have to get close to them...

got medicine, water, and non perishable food... I can last a few weeks if I ration...

wish me luck...

fuck... I think that the guy who bit Larry just came back, started attacking a lady in the parking lot...

I grabbed my axe to try and scare him off... but when I got close...

oh god, the smell... decomp is one smell I'll never get used to, and he reeked of it...

the eyes where dry and cloudy, gods help me...

HE LOOKED LIKE A CORPSE!!!

he lunged at me and just out of instinct I swung the axe... took almost the whole top of his head off... fuck...

I'm safe for now I think... I'm just going to barricade myself inside my apartment... if shit starts going south I might have to take over one of the upstairs ones...

I dont know what the hell is happening, but stay inside until it's over...
fuck...

what the hell is going on? just went to check on the maintenance guy Larry

looks like he got bit bad, says it was some homeless guy who had made it up onto the roof.

says he kicked him off the roof when he bit him.

there's no body.. just some blood. maybe he survived the 2 story fall....
the bite already looks infected, Larry says it doesn't even hurt and isn't planning on going to the hospital...

I swear this is just like something out of a horror movie

are those gunshots I hear?

I just saw some people running down the street from what looked like... well a lobotomy patient.. all shuffle and staggering in his walk...

I wonder where the maintenance guy went, he shouldn't take this long checking out the AC unit on the roof...

maybe I'll go check

unmarked trucks driving by my apartment...
unmarked helicopters flying around the city...
few cars on the road...

and that charnel stench grows stronger, seems to be coming from the AC... maybe I'll get the maintenance man to check it out later...

I went for a meeting at my now new place of employment... I got the job!!!

it struck me odd how quiet it got. all of the sirens of earlier died off, some maybe in the distance, but not many.

the heat is oppressive, I stepped out into it like pushing against a wall of sand...

all was quiet except for the mournful call of a neighbor's macaw.

no birds... strange

maybe it's just the heat

there seems to be a stench of carrion in the air today, I wonder if ti has anything to do with those helicopters from the other night...

sirens too, odd...

the total and the breakdown of the subsections are as follows

arts- 91%
sociology/ funeral service history -94%
psychology- 90%
funeral directing- 77%
Business law- 72% (the highest I've seen of any of my class mates)
funeral service law- 95%
Funeral service merchandising- 77%
accounting/computers/ management- 95%

Sciences- 88%
Embalming- 78%
restorative art- 85%
Microbiology- 86%
Pathology- 75%
chemistry- 91%
Anatomy- 86%

the passing score for the entire thing is 75%

I kicked the NBE's ASS

I just passed my NBE
Sciences 88%
Arts 91%

I am now a nationally licensed funeral director, holy shit